The New Conversion Table, explained (for all the non-engineers who have difficulty converting units):

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God? = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour? = Knotfurlong

7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone? = 1 Rod Serling

8. Half of a large intestine? = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches? = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis? = 1 hoarsepower

11. Shortest distance between two jokes? = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers? = 1 pound cake

13. 1 million-million microphones? = 1 megaphone

14. 2 million bicycles? = 2 megacycles

15. 365.25 days? = 1 unicycle

16. 2000 mockingbirds? = 2 kilomockingbirds

17. 52 cards? = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs? = 1 Fig Newton

19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks? = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish? = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins? = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations? = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations? = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms? = 1 diagram

25. 4 nickels? = 2 paradigms

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital? = 1 IV League

27. 100 Senators? = Not 1 decision

Wonderful!