http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest for worst first sentence in an imaginary novel.

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss--a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.

Molly Ringle
Seattle, WA

Much more at the link

As she slowly sipped her morning coffee, not fresh-ground nor gourmet but, rather, the prosaic Folger's, she spied a link to competitors for authorial finesse and, as she read the splendorous offerings, she slowly began to chuckle as the hot, brown fluid dribbled down her perky, softly pointed chin, and into the folds of the chicken-neck she had acquired as she rapidly advanced solidly into the later stages of middle-age.