By Chelsea Royer
Like most stories of hope, this one begins with tragedy. Kallie Brueckner, a Grays Harbor local, first experienced loss due to suicide as a sophomore in high school. One of her friends took his own life and it was in the moment of finding out about this loss that Kallie became very aware and sensitive to the topic of suicide.
Two years later while sitting in class, Kallie overheard a conversation involving one of her friends. What she heard was incredibly concerning and she watched as he shredded a copy of a note into the garbage. “I’d been helping this guy with his homework and we’d talk in class. What I overheard him say to his friend made me so incredibly fearful that I dug through the trash to put together his message. Sure enough, it was a suicide note,” recalls Kallie, who then rushed straight to her counselor’s office. When Kallie approached the school staff, their response didn’t match Kallie’s sense of urgency. “I just prayed and prayed all through the next class and then checked back at the office to say they needed to find him right away. Turns out when they paged him, he wasn’t at class where he was supposed to be. Shortly after, we got word there was an ambulance at the school. My friend had swallowed a handful of pills in the bathroom. He ended up being ok, but after that, I kept checking in on him any time he seemed depressed or down.”
As difficult as it was to see her friends struggling so much, Kallie experienced her deepest loss the day she discovered her dad had taken his own life – only two months before her high school graduation. “My dad lived in Texas when this happened. We had just begun rebuilding our relationship a few years prior and when I turned 15, I had flown down to visit him for the first time,” explains Kallie. Today, Kallie wears a locket with her dad’s initials and photos of their last visit together. Barely into her twenties now, Kallie has experienced great loss for someone so young, but she has refused to let the grief cripple her ability to move forward.
Finding Healing
In 2014, Kallie learned about a suicide awareness event, called, Out of the Darkness. Taking place in Seattle, participants raise funds for advocacy, prevention, mental health research, and support for survivors of suicide by walking 18 miles through the night in downtown Seattle. “I started late,” Kallie chuckles. “There was no one around so I just slipped on my backpack and tried to catch up. It started raining and because I wasn’t prepared, I didn’t have things I needed – like a rain jacket.”
Kallie hadn’t prepared physically for this walk either. Eighteen miles in the dark, wind, and rain by herself seemed like a far more difficult task than it did in the planning stages. “I exercised a couple of months before the event and then stopped,” Kallie laughs. “It was mostly uphill and so difficult for me. Staff members of the event offered to give me a ride for some of it, but I wouldn’t let them. I needed to finish the walk myself.”
Around her neck, Kallie wore honor beads. Gold for the loss of a parent, purple for the loss of a friend, and blue for being a supporter. “At mile 15, I felt ready to quit. But a nurse from Edmonds began walking with me and cheered me on for the last three miles. Along the walk, there were all kinds of rest stations with snacks. People would collect the snacks in their backpacks including myself. During the last three miles, we passed a lot of homeless people. You could see at each of their feet a pile of packaged snack-foods that walkers had given away. It was wonderful to see people, not just walking for hope, but sharing it in the middle of a cold, rainy night,” says Kallie. On the last stretch of road, Kallie came upon the luminaries she and other participants had decorated in remembrance of those they had lost.
Spreading Hope
Stiff and sore, Kallie crossed the finish-line having marched every step of the 18 miles. Now, she’s about to do it for a second time. This event, occurring on April 25, will be in Dallas – the city Kallie’s dad was from. “I raised most of the funds for this event outside of WalMart in Aberdeen. I spent two Saturdays standing in front of the doors for eight-hour stretches and it was a great experience. So many people stopped their cars while just driving past to give me money. Others stopped and shared their stories – some were survivors and would tell me thank you. I feel so humbled that people are being affected simply by me trying to honor my dad,” expresses Kallie.
Her unconventional way of doing things has brought about surprising relationships and opportunities to reach out and connect to people in the community and Kallie loves every minute of it.
“I’m excited for the ministry I have now, even though I wouldn’t have chosen it for myself. I have an open door policy for people who need to talk. I truly love and care for people and I want them to fight. I want them to live. I am excited to honor my dad in Dallas and be a part of such a wonderful community,” says Kallie. “I hope that if anyone is fighting depression or feeling hopeless, they would find just one person to talk to and ask for help – and not give up! You have no idea the effect that your life has or how much you’d be missed if you were gone.”
As for the event itself, Kallie still hasn’t been exercising like she should. “I’ve been better at stretching,” Kallie laughing confesses. “If I can help people from this experience, it’s worth it.”
